When love is a sham

by Lisa Harris1 Comment
Agatha Christie gives this line to Margot Bence, who was adopted at five and sent away at nine when her adoptive mother fell pregnant with her own child. The fury in it sounds like it should be about loss and a child who was loved and then abandoned. But when you read it again, the fury is pointed somewhere else. She's angry about the years she spent being certain she was wanted, and what that certainty cost her once it turned out to be wrong. And then at some point you realised your investment in the relationship was bigger than theirs. We all know some version of this. You trusted someone. A parent or friend, someone you'd have said was safe. And then at some point you realised your investment in the relationship was bigger than theirs. You were organising your emotional life around someone who was keeping you in a drawer. And the feeling that stays longest, much longer than the...
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Facing death, time to drop everything.

by Lisa HarrisNo Comments
When we or someone we love is told they have limited time to live we are often filled with all kinds of feelings and questions. There is anger, denial, maybe hope for a miracle cure. If there is a faith, a calling out to a higher being for help, support, understanding, healing or a smooth transition. Maybe there is acceptance or even relief.Perhaps more often, all of it at once in a kaleidoscope of emotions, thoughts, feelings and behaviours. None of which feel like the right response, usually. I dropped everything and faced death When or if we are told a timeline, we ought to take it seriously.So often our response is, “yes, but ….” followed by all the reasons the time line may not be correct. A miracle cure, a positive mental attitude, a new drug trial, the love of those around them. But that timeline, usually offered by an experienced medical professional or maybe someone who has lived this path...
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Don’t pick a fight with a menopausal therapist

by Lisa Harris3 Comments
... you won't win. Anyone who knows me, knows I have been living with menopause for over 15 years. I know, I don't look old enough right? That's because I entered menopause in my mid 30's, medically there was no other option.And yeah, it more than sucks. So, whilst those around my own age are actively now talking about their peri-menopause, collagen, magnesium, exercise, hormonal shifts, dryness and general feeling of wtaf is happening to my body - I am nodding thinking, "Yah. I know" while my knees, hip and back hurts, I am STILL trying to shift some weight and I maintain the inability to so much as look at a polo neck without setting off a flush.Did I mention the bladder issues that creep up? Oh, you haven't got that far yet? Well, you will ...But 15 years ago, nobody was talking about this, social media wasn't full of it and celebs weren't breaking their necks to tell you...
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I kept going. Ravenwolf

by Lisa HarrisNo Comments
I’m not going to tell you that my life has been easy…It’s been hard as hell.There have been so many times that I survived one thing just to get hit with five more.But I never really thought about how hard it was or if I’d make it…It wasn’t ever a choice.I found a way.I made a way.I figured it out.I kept going.It’s hurt, physically, mentally and emotionally, but I always got through it.When the waves of life come at you, you make a choice to sink or swim…So I fought, scrapped and dug my way out of the darkness more than once.I was scared, tired and alone most of the time..But I kept going.I didn’t know where I was going or how I’d get there, but I knew I wasn’t happy where I was..So I pushed ahead.Sure, there were both dark days and happy times..And I made the best of both.I’ll never tell you that I have the answers because...
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Desiderata

by Lisa HarrisNo Comments
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,and remember what peacethere may be in silence.As far as possible without surrenderbe on good terms with all persons.Speak your truth quietlyand clearly;and listen to others,even the dull and the ignorant;they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons,they are vexations to the spirit.If you compare yourselfwith others,you may become vain and bitter;for always there will be greaterand lesser persons than yourself.Enjoy your achievements as wellas your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble;it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.Exercise caution in your business affairs;for the world is full of trickeryBut let this not blind you to whatvirtue there is;many persons strive for high ideals;and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself.Especially, do not feign affection.Neither be cynical about love;for in the face of all aridityand disenchantmentit is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years,gracefully surrendering the things of youth.Nurture strength of spirit to shield...
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Muddy boots

by Lisa HarrisNo Comments
Finding strength I didn't know I had Fresh air and exercise is good for us, of course. Like many, I enjoy scenery and sunshine if possible. Health issues have made exercise more challenging in recent years and I'm trying my best to stick with it and make improvements. Aching I was aching, tired and looking at the rather steep incline ahead of me feeling increasingly despondent and dreading the struggle I knew it would be. I felt my pace slow and my steps become smaller. Somewhere within I was convincing myself this was good for my physical and mental health, reminding myself I'll be glad I've done this later. Really, all I wanted to do was stop and huff and puff a bit with my hands on my hips. Woe is me Suddenly as I was slipping into "woe is me" I realised I was actually slipping into the hillside, fast.With each step my feet were sinking quickly into a boggy mess that had been...
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Midlife, it’s time.

by Lisa HarrisNo Comments
I think midlife is when the universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear:I’m not screwing around. It’s time. All of this pretending and performing – these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt – has to go. Your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts. I understand that you needed these protections when you were small. I understand that you believed your armour could help you secure all of the things you needed to feel worthy of love and belonging, but you’re still searching and you’re more lost than ever. Time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what other people think. You were born worthy of love and belonging. Courage and daring are coursing through you. You were made to live and love with your whole heart. It’s time to...
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Move with the seasons

by Lisa Harris1 Comment
23 years ago, on the 24th July 2002 I arrived in East Yorkshire, utterly broken, with very very little to my name, only intending to be passing through until I found somewhere to settle.I was in my mid 20's. How very different my life is now, although there are different challenges. I have my own home, a career, a business I love and a faith I wouldn't be without. All of which came after 2002. When you have lost everything In 2002 life was very painful and so very difficult, I had lost everything I loved and knew. Injustice stung daily to the core of me. I wasn't sure I could cope with life now or even if I wanted it anymore. If you know how this feels, you know. If you don't, I hope you never will. Depression, anxiety and pain were my familar friends for more years than I care to recall. Tears and loneliness were a daily thing over and over, and...
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