Coercive Control Archives

Why Is Leaving So Difficult? Understanding the Complexity of Domestic Abuse

October 15, 2026October 15, 2026 by Lisa HarrisNo Comments

Why Is Leaving So Difficult? Understanding the Complexity of Domestic Abuse Exploring attachment, fear, hope and the practical realities that can make leaving an abusive relationship far more complicated than it might appear from the outside. One of the questions people often ask when they learn that someone is experiencing domestic abuse is: “Why don't they just leave?” It is a question that may come from genuine concern. Friends and family may feel frightened, frustrated or helpless when they see someone they care about being hurt. They may struggle to understand why the person remains in a relationship that appears to be causing them so much distress. But the question itself can overlook something important. Leaving an abusive relationship is not simply a decision to end a relationship. Depending on the circumstances, it can involve emotional loss, practical difficulties, financial insecurity, concerns about safety and the challenge of rebuilding a life that may have become increasingly restricted. It may also mean letting go of a future...

Gaslighting and Self-Doubt: When You Stop Trusting Yourself

October 14, 2026October 15, 2026 by Lisa HarrisNo Comments

Gaslighting and Self-Doubt: When You Stop Trusting Yourself Understanding how repeated denial, blame and manipulation can affect our confidence, our memories and our ability to trust our own perceptions. Have you ever found yourself questioning a conversation after it has happened? Replaying what was said, wondering whether you misunderstood, or feeling certain that something was wrong but struggling to explain why? Most of us experience uncertainty from time to time. We forget details, misinterpret situations or disagree with someone about what happened. These are ordinary parts of being human. But what happens when questioning yourself becomes a regular feature of a relationship? When your recollection is repeatedly denied, your feelings are dismissed, or you find yourself apologising for things you do not understand? Over time, repeated experiences like these can undermine confidence and leave someone increasingly unsure of their own judgement. In the context of domestic abuse, one term often used to describe a particularly harmful pattern of psychological manipulation is gaslighting. Understanding what gaslighting means, how...

Coercive Control: The Abuse That Can Be Difficult to See

October 13, 2026October 15, 2026 by Lisa HarrisNo Comments

Coercive Control: The Abuse That Can Be Difficult to See Understanding how patterns of control can develop within relationships, gradually affecting freedom, independence and our sense of self. When we think about domestic abuse, we often think about individual incidents: an argument that escalates, a threat, an act of intimidation or an episode of physical violence. But some of the most damaging experiences of abuse cannot be understood by looking at individual incidents alone. Instead, they develop through a pattern of behaviour that gradually changes how another person lives, what they feel able to do and how safe they feel within their own relationship. This is known as coercive control. It can be difficult to recognise, both for the person experiencing it and for those around them. There may be no obvious injuries, no single incident that seems to explain the distress, and no clear moment when the relationship changed. Instead, there may be a gradual narrowing of freedom. A person may begin to think more carefully about...

Domestic Abuse: When Love, Trust and Safety Become Complicated

October 12, 2026October 15, 2026 by Lisa HarrisNo Comments

Domestic Abuse: When Love, Trust and Safety Become Complicated Understanding the less visible forms of abuse, the impact on our sense of self, and why recognising what is happening can be so difficult. Domestic abuse is often imagined as physical violence: visible injuries, frightening confrontations or incidents that leave no doubt that something is wrong. But domestic abuse does not always look like this. Sometimes it is much quieter. It may develop gradually within a relationship that began with affection, connection and the promise of a shared future. It may involve criticism, manipulation, intimidation, controlling behaviour or a persistent sense of walking on eggshells. There may be no visible injuries. There may be moments of genuine affection, apologies and promises that things will change. From the outside, the relationship may appear perfectly ordinary. And yet, behind closed doors, a person's confidence, independence and sense of safety may be gradually eroding. Domestic abuse is not simply about arguments, relationship difficulties or two people who struggle to communicate. It...