*Deep breath* My hard learning this week …
I am part of a wonderful trio of super-supervisors. We are women who meet monthly for a few hours of peer supervision. Between us we have decades of experience both as #therapists and #supervisors. We are knowledgeable, self aware, hard working, compassionate and funny. We hold each other accountable, we cheer each other on, we lean into the difficult conversations and we sit together to find ways forward in the ‘what do I do’ moments. We are grateful for each other and appreciate the input we offer as the years of experience offer fruitful guidance and knowledge.
Want to know what else we are??
#HumanFirst!
Human-ness
I often say, before we are anything we are human first. By that I mean we are impacted just like the rest of the humans on earth, by our experiences, we have emotions, we have struggles and joys.
Just because we are a therapist or supervisor, it doesn’t mean we are not human. In fact, I would suggest, in many ways, it means it is even more important we are aware of this fact and be with it.
This week I, we, team trio, were reminded of our human-ness.
Whilst exploring ‘a thing’ (it doesn’t matter what, nor could I share it anyway due to our confidentiality) we were sharing our own experiences both personal and professional of similar things. In doing so we were unpacking ‘the thing’ relating to it, reflecting on it, remembering parts of our own work and histories and seeing how that was affecting how we were responding to ‘the thing’. All of which is quite usual in supervision.
One of ‘team trio’ had mentioned they were a ‘gobshite’. The rest of team trio chuckled at the phrase, we continued to explore ‘the thing’ and discussed different ways one might approach this, and what may make that more difficult or easier.
After our session, a member of team trio took a breath and acknowledged they had done themselves a disservice. They recognised that it was important to not reinforce the words ‘gobshite’ even in humour, as it was reinforcing historic toxic ‘stuff’.
What that person is, is assertive, and sometimes it’s hilarious too, but assertive is the more appropriate word. NOT gobshite. That is the label given by others who are, maybe threatened, or held accountable by this assertiveness – historically. It is the language of oppression and sexism, in my experience anyway.
I think, as women, we too easily play into the narrative of being “gobby” or “difficult” or “challenging” or “aggressive” when actually what we often are, is intelligent, reflective, interested and assertive.
And some people don’t like that.
Fuck ’em
Be with people who are real and authentic
I LOVE people in my professional and personal life being raw, honest and all of who they are.
Bring it ALL.
I know where I am with people who are real and authentic.
I can, and do, respect genuine people who are doing their best to be all of who they are in a less than ideal situation or world, with the hand they have been dealt.
I will sit forever with the person who wants to do or be better and is willing to take the self responsibility to achieve that.
Because that takes courage to be vulnerable.
That’s brave.
That’s who I admire.
That’s who I aspire to be.
Over time I have learned I have zero time for sly, manipulative, untruthful, withholding or projecting people in my life. I sometimes spot them a mile away now, sometimes I don’t and I have another ‘learning experience’.
Now, I understand what toxic is, I understand what toxic traits people can have. Now, I understand there is a word for it. For most of my life I didn’t. Too often and for too long I have been on the receiving end of toxic behaviour.
I endeavour to not receive it any more, nor to behave in that way myself.
I am so grateful to be part of team trio.
I am also (resentfully) grateful to the people with toxic traits I have experienced in my life, because you have taught me, the hard way, whom I do not wish to be.
I am grateful to the wonderful therapists I have experienced in my life, personally and professionally. I am grateful to the wonderful supervisors I have now and have had before.
You have encouraged me to have the courage to be vulnerable, to self reflect, to be professional, be accountable and ultimately to support others to grow – even when it is tough.
If you are a therapist, I hope your supervisor/s enrich your practice and support you to grow, leaning into the uncomfortable with you.
If you are a human first. I hope you have people around you who will encourage you, hold you accountable, be willing to have a difficult conversation with compassion and without judgement. I hope you have people who cheer you on, laugh with you and bring you joy.
