At times in our lives time stands still. It literally stops. Shock and trauma do that. We can then sit speechless unable to connect to a thought, any thought. Sometimes those moments are unique to us and are a personal experience – sometimes thousands of us share those moments.
I’ve had those personal moments in my life. I also shared hours of moments with milions of others on 9/11. I wasn’t there, I was at home, watching it unfold on TV.
I watched open mouthed as the news unfolded and I watched live as the second plane hit, as the towers fell, as news of further hijackings and the Pentagon crash came in.
I still remember the feelings I experienced that day, and why. I feel them now as I write this, much much less intensely, but my body remembers what happened inside of me that day.
I’m writing this today so many years later with much compassion, in remembrance of and with repect to all who lost their lives, their loved ones, and all who were effected in other ways by the events that day. For those who lost their lives in the selfless desire to help others that day, who rushed straight into danger in particular I still can’t find words to convey for my admiration and respect for your choice “to do my job”. I don’t think there are words to be honest.
I’ll close by saying if you ever find yourself continuing to have a very intense response to something, anything, long after the event itself, you could be experiencing what therapeutically we’d call a trigger.
It doesn’t need to be national disaster levels, but it will be disaster level for you.
An internal traumatic experience is often and usually unique to us, although we may have been part of a shared experience externally. Working with therapist experienced in trauma could really help you be with this and move forward, unlikely as that may sound in the moment.
Sound “a bit therapisty?” The thing is I know it’s true, I know how much therapy helped me be with and move foward with my own traumatic experiences, unique to me. Therapy could support you in this too.
I am trained at post graduate level as a Traumatologist, specialising in assessment and treatment of cPTSD & PTSD.
If this nudges at something in you, take a long slow breath in and out, and maybe take a moment to consider if it could be time to let a trained and experienced professional help you too. You really don’t need to live in fear of triggers forever.