STAIR Narrative Therapy: 3. Emotional Regulation — Working with the Body

Exploring how self-care, sensory awareness and body-based coping skills can support emotional wellbeing following trauma.

Have you ever noticed your body reacting before you have had time to understand what you are feeling?

Perhaps your shoulders tense, your breathing changes or your heart begins to race. You might feel restless, overwhelmed or completely drained. At other times, you may find yourself disconnected from your body or unaware of how much stress you are carrying.

Our physical and emotional experiences are closely connected. Learning to recognise this connection can help us understand our responses to distress and explore different ways of coping.

In this third article in my STAIR Narrative Therapy series, I explore emotional regulation through the body and some of the approaches that can help people develop healthier ways of responding to difficult feelings.

What is emotional regulation?

Emotional regulation describes the ways we respond to and manage our emotional experiences.

It does not mean suppressing feelings, pretending everything is fine or remaining calm at all times. Nor does it mean that difficult emotions need to disappear before we can move forward.

Instead, emotional regulation involves developing ways to experience feelings that are manageable, while retaining the ability to think, make choices and engage with the world around us.

This can include finding ways to settle overwhelming emotions such as fear, anger or sadness. It can also involve making space for positive feelings, such as enjoyment, curiosity, connection and satisfaction.

For some people who have experienced trauma, emotions may feel unpredictable or difficult to tolerate. Others may have learned to push feelings aside or disconnect from them altogether.

These responses may have developed over time as ways of coping with difficult circumstances. Understanding this can help us approach them with compassion rather than criticism.

Emotional regulation is a skill that can be developed, and it is possible to learn new ways of responding.

Why does STAIR focus on the body?

STAIR explores emotional experiences through three connected channels: the body, thoughts and behaviour.

In this STAIR, the focus shifts towards the body channel — the physical sensations and experiences associated with our emotions.

When we experience distress, we may notice changes in our breathing, heart rate, muscle tension or energy levels. These physical responses can offer useful information about what is happening emotionally, although they do not always tell us exactly which emotion we are experiencing.

For people who have experienced trauma, paying attention to the body can sometimes feel difficult. Physical sensations may be associated with painful memories, discomfort, vulnerability or a sense of not feeling safe.

Some people may also have learned to ignore their physical needs or use coping strategies that provide short-term relief but create other difficulties over time.

There is no expectation that everyone will feel comfortable focusing on bodily sensations. The aim is to explore what feels manageable and appropriate for the individual, with support where needed.

Developing healthier ways to cope

The third STAIR introduces several ways of supporting emotional regulation through physical awareness and self-care.

These approaches are not about fixing everything through relaxation. They offer different possibilities for responding to distress, and people may find that some suit them better than others.

Basic self-care

Our physical well-being can influence how we feel emotionally.

When we are exhausted, hungry, uncomfortable or under prolonged stress, managing difficult emotions may become harder. Attending to basic needs such as rest, nourishment, movement and physical comfort can therefore form part of emotional well-being.

Self-care is sometimes presented as an indulgence or something to fit in when everything else is finished. In reality, it can involve recognising that our physical needs matter.

It does not have to mean making dramatic lifestyle changes. Sometimes, it begins with noticing what has been neglected and considering one manageable way to respond.

Of course, self-care cannot remove the effects of trauma or resolve every emotional difficulty. It is one part of a wider approach to well-being.

Soothing the senses

Our senses can influence how we experience our surroundings and how comfortable we feel.

Sounds, textures, smells, tastes and things we see can sometimes help us feel calmer, more settled or more connected to the present.

For example, someone might find comfort in listening to familiar music, wrapping themselves in a soft blanket, spending time in a pleasant environment or enjoying a familiar scent.

These experiences are highly individual. Something that feels soothing to one person may be uncomfortable or unhelpful to another.

The aim is to discover what feels supportive for you, rather than following a prescribed list of activities.

Progressive muscle relaxation

Stress can be accompanied by muscle tension that we may not immediately notice.

Progressive muscle relaxation is a technique that involves attending to different muscle groups and, where comfortable, gently tensing and releasing them.

For some people, this can help increase awareness of physical tension and provide a way to practise relaxing the body.

However, body-focused techniques do not suit everyone. Focusing on muscles or physical sensations may feel uncomfortable for some people with trauma histories, and exercises can be adapted or not used where necessary.

The important principle is that coping strategies should support a person’s sense of safety and choice, rather than becoming another source of pressure.

Mindfulness and being present

Mindfulness involves bringing attention to present-moment experiences, such as what we can see, hear or feel, while gently noticing when our attention moves elsewhere.

It can be practised in different ways, including paying attention to our surroundings, noticing the sensations involved in walking or focusing on an ordinary activity.

For some people, this can offer a way to reconnect with the present when thoughts or feelings become difficult to manage.

For others, particularly those who experience dissociation or find inward attention unsettling, mindfulness may need careful adaptation. Looking around the room, noticing familiar objects or orientating to the immediate environment may feel more comfortable than focusing internally.

There is no single correct way to practise mindfulness, and it is not necessary to force yourself to remain with an experience that feels unsafe.

Emotional regulation is not about invalidating your experiences

An important distinction in trauma-informed work is that learning to manage distress does not mean minimising what has happened.

Someone may worry that feeling calmer means they are making light of their experiences, letting another person off the hook or suggesting that the past did not matter.

But finding relief from distress does not erase the reasons for that distress.

We can acknowledge that something was harmful while also exploring ways to feel more comfortable in the present. We can recognise anger or sadness without needing to remain overwhelmed by those feelings.

Likewise, developing healthier coping strategies does not mean that someone is responsible for the harm they experienced.

The focus is on increasing choice and supporting well-being, not placing responsibility for recovery on the person who has been hurt.

Learning what works for you

There is no universal coping strategy that works for everyone.

Some people may find sensory experiences helpful, while others prefer movement, practical activities or external grounding. A strategy that feels useful one day may be less helpful in different circumstances.

Within STAIR, skills are explored collaboratively, with attention to individual preferences, needs and experiences.

The purpose is to develop a broader range of options so that difficult feelings do not have to be managed in the same way every time.

Practice can also help people notice what is helpful and what is not. If a technique increases discomfort, that is useful information rather than a failure.

Developing new responses takes time, particularly when existing coping patterns have been established over many years.

A final thought

Our bodies and emotions are connected, and understanding that connection can offer another way of making sense of our experiences.

Emotional regulation is not about eliminating difficult feelings or expecting ourselves to cope perfectly. It is about developing ways to respond to emotions that support our well-being, our relationships and our ability to participate in everyday life.

Sometimes, that process begins with something simple: noticing tension, recognising a need for rest or discovering that a familiar sensory experience helps us feel more settled.

You do not have to force yourself to feel calm. You can begin by noticing what you need, exploring what feels supportive and allowing yourself the time to learn.

In the next article in this STAIR series, I will continue exploring emotional regulation and the different ways we can work with our thoughts and behaviours when feelings become difficult to manage.

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About the author

Lisa Harris is a psychotherapist, clinical supervisor and consultant, and a Qualified Traumatologist. Her work explores trauma, emotional well-being and the ways therapeutic relationships can support understanding, choice and change.

This article is for educational purposes. It introduces themes explored within STAIR and is not a substitute for individual assessment, therapy or participation in a structured treatment programme. Body-focused and mindfulness-based practices may not be suitable for everyone and should be adapted to individual needs. STAIR is one of several trauma treatment approaches Lisa is trained to offer.

Further reading: Cloitre, M., Cohen, L. R., Ortigo, K. M., Jackson, C. and Koenen, K. C. (2020). Treating Survivors of Childhood Abuse and Interpersonal Trauma: STAIR Narrative Therapy (2nd ed.). The Guilford Press.